The Eye of Kris

I thought I'd mention that the 350+ e-mails that I have waiting to be posted do not include the thousands of e-mails that I have deleted because I didn't think they were funny enough. I get several submissions per day, and I read them all, and I apply what I call the "laugh out loud" test. I don't actually have to truly laugh loudly for it to make the cut, but if I can read it with a completely straight face, it gets deleted.

So, I'm not just throwing up anything I get in order to build ad revenue - I really do try to keep it high-quality.

And then there are those few e-mails that are not really "funny" in the conventional sense, but they do make me laugh, either because they are so incredibly stupid, or they just don't make sense at all. These, I will call "Laugh Break Bloopers", and I have a special folder in my e-mail box just for them. Here's a sample:

My friend..he's big and dumb, but really smart.

Yes, that's the whole e-mail. Great story, eh?

I hope life isnt a big joke because i don't get it.

sometimes i wish i were dead....no wait...not me...you.

Hey, if wishing I were dead makes you feel better, then wish away. Of course, you can wish in one hand...

Once there were two guys who both died on the same day. One was barried at a sematary in New York, and the other was barried at a sematary in Sarasota Florida. one day the ground shook at a sematary in Los Angeles and the guy in New York rose from the dead. The next day the ground shook at a sematary in Washinton D.C. and the guy in Sarasota rose from the dead. Since they had risen from the dead, they could now walk through walls. They climded out of their graves, started traveling and met each other in Atlanta. Together they entered a bar full of drunk men. One drunk guy noticed them and stagared over to them. He wanted to see if they were real (because drunk people often see things that are not there) so he poked one of them in the stomach and the dead guy said, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Now, that, my friends, is comedy.