Yesterday I woke up with a scowl on my face. I'm not sure what put it there but it would not leave. I think I cried a few times for no reason and then pouted myself to sleep last night. Does anyone else have days when everything you know about who you are and where you belong and why you exist seems to elude you? I can be so confident, so sure, so stable most days and then wake up one day and you'd think I've never heard that Jesus died for me, lives for me, that God is love...any of it. I was there yesterday...just yucky down. I tried my usual pick me ups, but nothing was working and though I should have made time to really immerse myself in the Word, I never felt like I could stop long enough to really do what needed to be done. I knew if I read it with my whole heart I'd have to find a place to be alone and some days that's just not possible without an act of congress. So I waded in my misery yesterday.

Today I woke up feeling much better emotionally until the pain in my stomach hit. It was probably just some gas or something but it lasted most of the day. It wasn't until around 4:30 this afternoon that I felt like I could move normally. That sort of discomfort ends up making me emotional too, so I wallowed a bit more today. Unexplained tears while folding laundry, curling up on the couch for a bit and just grimacing through the afternoon. I'm not sure what cleared it up, but I looked up at one point while still folding laundry and thought...I'm better. And I was. Much, much better.

I have to say that this little guy was good medicine for me this morning. He looked at me just before I buckled him in and said, "Mommy, I wove you! You'we beautifuw and you'we pwetty." The pain didn't go away immediately but he sure put a smile on my face.

I do feel better tonight and I'm letting Ivan have a late night. After the previous comment he's become my favorite son for the time being. Actually he had a very long nap and his sweetness was really working for him as he sat on the stair way landing to ask me if I could teach him a song. I knew that Owen and Aron were already asleep and he was having trouble settling down so I let him sit in my lap for a while and now he is playing with stickers. I will put him to bed again soon though...I don't want him all grouchy in the morning. Nobody likes people like that.