I would venture to guess that 6 out of 10 rude comments from strangers and distant acquaintances alike, are not meant to be as rude as they sound/are. They just couldn't think of something relevant to say. There is that other 40% though. The ones who are watching you with your pregnant belly or your three + kids and thinking all sorts of "helpful" things, concocting an encouraging word to spew your direction and then letting it fly.

...

During pregnancy, these were the ones I dreaded:

"Are you having twins?" This question means..."YOU'RE HUGE! There HAS to be more than one baby in there."

"Is it a boy or a girl?" This question often came at the end of my first trimester and before I was far enough along to find out the gender. When I said "no" the intruder would wander deeper into my personal comfort zone and say, "Oh, you aren't finding out." I would politely explain that I would find out in another month or so, to which they would back out silently unsure of how to explain to me that I was much farther along than I thought. I was HUGE after all.

After having three boys in four years, I started getting these comments:

"We stopped at 2, it's a lot easier when you aren't being pulled three or four different directions."

"I could never be a stay at home mom. I would get so bored!"

The most common one I hear as a mom, after asking how old my boys are, is: "Wow, you sure have your hands full." It doesn't usually come across as a "lucky you" statement either, more of a raised eye-brow, "you shouldnta done that to yourself" with a twinge of sympathy statement.

All of these comments are irritating and in many cases I want so badly to zing back with something clever and downright painful to the offender.

However, I am trying lately to remember that making someone feel bad because of what they said, doesn't change their attitude, it only encourages their wrong thinking. They assume my backlash is due to the strain of my uncontrolled and chaotic life of mothering more than my reasonable share of children. (I only have THREE! but because they are boys and only two years apart it is assumed every room in my house has become a jungle gym...it is not so.)

So I'm trying a new tactic. One the Bible encourages.

I'm trying a gentle answer.

Now when I hear someone say, "I could never be a stay at home mom..." instead of saying "only boring people get bored." I say, "Yes, you could do it and you would love it! I hope you give it a chance beyond maternity leave, because it's the most exciting thing I've ever done."

When I hear someone say, "You have your hands full." Instead of saying, "Yep, it sure beats empty" I choose one of the following responses.

"Yes, my heart is too!"

"Full is a great feeling!"

"No, they are overflowing! And I love it."

If you've ever read Proverbs 15 you've read that verse that says, in a nutshell, a gentle answer turns away wrath.

I've realized that a gentle answer doesn't just keep wrath from developing in my direction from the other person. It soothes the wrath in me. A gentle answer keeps me from harboring irritations and bitterness toward judgmental or ignorant people. Hearing my own positive confession about my life, takes the anger out of me pretty quickly. I'm then free to keep enjoying what God has given me instead of fuming over what someone else thinks.

Furthermore, the stranger at the store doesn't know me or my joy, but if I share that joy, instead of confirming their ideas of who I am and what I have gotten myself into, I am educating them and possibly even changing their minds about motherhood and families. Wouldn't it be great if more people encouraged and participated in being family? I think so.

So the next time someone asks if you and your husband know how "that" happens, your twins are "natural", your adoptive daughter is "real" or your home schooled kids are properly "socialized," just remember, a gentle answer might not be as fun to say, but it will turn away wrath and we mom's just don't need any wrath. Our hands are too full of good things for that.